Ohhh, guess what we have today in store for you? It’s a 5-minute teaser of “Blade Man”, previously known as “Iron Man”, but who will be called “Cactus Man” around these parts. At least the “Man” part is constant. If you want (or dare) to see the preview or read my thoughts as I am commenting on the scenes as they appear…
I am at your service!
First of, the teaser is up for grabs on Youtube.
luckily unfortunately, it’s restricted for those not living in the US. But fear not, here is an alternative link for the brave ones out there:
00:04 – Wait, why does smoke come out of him? I thought he was a cactus. Too bad he doesn’t burst into flames, so that we can call him SMOKING HOT. LITERALLY. I think this show literally is one of the most literal ones out there.
00:06 – Blades out! It’s on, bitches!
00:12 – Slo-mo running with water splash, for dramatic purposes. Oh look, he’s doing parkour. Maybe he’s Spider-Man after all. This smells like a superhero identity crisis.
00:18 – Shameless product placement. Someone is recording his high jump with a smartphone, because of course.
00:35 – Half a minute in and he’s still running aimlessly with a spike coming out of his back, just because he CAN.
00:39 – Ohh, is he late for a very important date?
00:45 – Oy, he’s there! But why on a sad-looking rooftop (just like the girl), of all the places?
00:54 – Our hero kinda needs some chill pills.
00:56 – Everybody quiet, Cactus Man is speaking.
“I hate a singer who can’t sing, a man who doesn’t know his trade and a game developer who doesn’t know how to do his job, the most in the world.” Uhm, this list feels totally random – it’s like when I’m searching online for a job and in category I put “ALL”.
00:58 – Random punches thrown around. Finger neck-cutting (oh, the puns!). And did I mention za crazy eyes?
Because you asked for them!
1:02 – First title card of the day: [Joo Hong Bin: the embodiment of looks, capability, wealth, and anger.]. This reads like a dating website profile. Aw, so cute.
1:11 – Poor maid who has to deal with his shit.
1:13 – More random punches. Because he’s such a rage monster, of course.
1:20 – “I’ll follow you to death, sir!”. How awfully romantic. Or stalkerish. The jury is still out. So does the bodyguard follow him around because he can’t control his anger? At this point, I fail to understand the point of the blades. Well, I fail at EVERY point, to be honest.
1:27 – Titles read [Anxiety, Wound, Rage] – BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA, too bad they left one out, since there are four images on screen. Imma make a wild guess and say that the first one on the left is “deep staring”. But seriously, are they not confident that the actor is perfectly capable of conveying those emotions, so they have to explain to us what is he going through?
1:29 – Even more random punches and people falling down without being touched.
Everybody was Kung Fu fighting!
1:32 – Titles read [Where did the rage come from? Since when?]. Feels like an appointment with the shrink.
1:42 – Bla bla bla bla Get me a car! Bla bla bla You should apologize once the truth comes out. Ohhhh, some dirty secrets need to be uncovered, y’all.
1:46 – DAT DROPKICK. More random rage outbursts. Wait, I thought they would explain where does this all come from.
1:45 – “YOU SON OF A BITCH AAAAAAAAAAAAAERGHHHHHH!”
Oh ok, so he was cursed or something? Like the Beast from “Beauty and the Beast” ? Did he offend some old hag by not caring about her flowers, who then cast a spell with her magic wand to make him suffer eternally and have knives come out of him?
1:57 – The titles are GOLD. [Immersed in his longtime wounds] – GAH, so much pain. I…I can’t take it. Sad Cactus is sad.
2:13 – Why hello, girl. And hello, slo-mo looping curtain removal.
You know the scene is dramatic when they have to show an action from every possible angle. On repeat.
2:16 [The girl who differs so much from him] – Not much of a difference, if her acting is like his blades. Meaning dull. Or icy. Or rusty. Pick your favorite.
2:19 – Are they trying to recreate the famous Beatles album cover?
2:21 – [Son Se Dong, still pretty ok]. Everybody STAHP! We are getting our first hint that the heroine will soon NOT be so ohh-kay!
2:34 – A seemingly important man in her life leaves, just before becoming a doctor. Because even though he has the loser look down, she obviously had faith he would become a famous doctor.
2:42 – Random boob-grabbing attempt.
2:45 – Annoying screech. Replace “screech” with “scream”. Or don’t – it’s the same.
2:46 – [And why is a young boy here?] – Why are you asking me all this, show? You tell me.
3:04 – Oh, that poor abandoned child picked by the heroine. Whatever. Next.
3:15 – [Where the young boy is]. Don’t worry show, I sometimes answer my own questions as well.
3:24 – The heroine is some failed plastic artist or whatever. And surprise-surprise, the bratty child hugs her. Because OF COURSE he hates everyone except the protagonist.
3:38 – Boy meets girl. Or [When Hong Bin met Se Dong], to be more specific. I’m not even making this up.
3:45 – Obviously, he instantly hates her, because he’s such a cold, merciless CEO. But, to be honest, he hates her for basically being a loser and a coward, so I’m kinda on his side. And what’s that on his face? Awww, did he injure himself with a blade?
4:02 – Let’s have a moment of silence, because the heroine needs to hear her thoughts.
4:04 – He calls her a bird brain, in other words. STOP! SO CRUEL!
4:13 – Screech redux. I think the two of them should take anger management classes. And the title cards deceived us into believing they were SO SO different.
Where are the blades?? I kinda miss them.
4:31 – BUTT SHOT!
I love the smell of bromance in the morning!
4:44 – More background on that child. Whatever. It’s probably his (because when both the adult and the child have similar haircuts, you know they are related)
and the mother abandoned our Cactus Man and he’s been fainting ever since and someone close to her believes it was the other way around. Or maybe she cheated on the poor bastard, her father (???) tried to avenge his pure, innocent daughter and Cactus Man got the curse. Whatever.
4:50 – RAIN! MEAN-LOOKING CLOSE UPS. DESPERATE RUNNING. SO INTENSE.
5:10 – Why hello, blades. Missed ya!
Ehm…errr…I’ll try to put my sarcasm to rest for a bit and write my honest opinion on what I’ve seen. This “Beauty and the Beast” rip-off could actually work, if it wasn’t for the fact that the end-product is so ridiculously-looking. Sure, it might be harsh to make such assumptions based on a 5-minute preview, but since previews/teasers are meant to get us on the bandwagon, they should bring out at least some of the goods and “Blade Man” didn’t deliver. I was also disappointed that we barely get to see the actual blades. If even the title is all about them, you would at least expect them to be there front and center, but no. His
superpowers salad curse is a blend of Spider-Man/Hulk/Wolverine + some enhanced sense of smell, being all over the place. Since he is already cursed with the fainting/fever and he has those rage issues he can’t control, the blades feel entirely gimmicky. If the rage is part of the spell, he has something tormenting him and preventing him from living a normal life, so the blades are overkill. It’s as if the creators thought: “Hey, let’s just put them there, because they look cool, regardless if they move the plot forward or not.” I also have problems with the tone. This is a case of “so bad, it’s funny”, because I laughed with the “serious” scenes and cringed with the supposedly funny ones, like the maid complaining about her boss returning to his raging days and the airport boob-grab. It will be very hard to make me compassionate towards the protagonist, if the show thinks his Hulk mode should be treated in a lightweight manner. Sure, it’s great when a show blends the humor and the drama – after all, this is life, but I feel the emotions are misused here and the occasional overacting that I’ve already noticed is not helping. Seriously, if you managed to overact in just 5 minutes, it’s bad. Really bad. And I’m all in for baddies whose hearts get melted by the awesome heroine, but here, it rather feels like he will be the one pushing her to become a bad-ass, instead of her being one from the get-go, since she seems rather…wimpy and hapless. Screaming does not make you a tough girl; for me, bad-ass is that not-taking-crap-from-anyone type. And is there a “painful past lover” or something? Because there has to be one, right – with all the child-drama going on. Why do I feel they will go down the “Master’s Sun” route, where the protagonist hates the gal thinking she is responsible for his misery (curse), but in fact it’s some other (female) villain pulling the strings and she is a victim just like him? We’ll see. Or, well, at least I will be giving it a shot. I know I will have a blast during those oh-so-dramatic scenes with the involuntary humor, but I can already tell I will cringe with all the poor attempts at comedy.