Jae Yeol: “I love you. I know it’s very burdensome. Like crazy.”
Soo Kwang: “Just take Hae Soo noona’s help.”
Jae Yeo: “I can handle it on my own.”
Soo Kwang: “Have you always lived like that? Handling everything by yourself?”
Jae Yeol: “Yes.”
[Soo Kwang hands over puzzle picture]
Jae Yeol: “What is this? This touching moment.”
Soo Kwang: I initially made it for noona when I heard about your first night together, but you two are one now, so.”
Jae Yeol: “To make it clear, we are both apart and together, and never together always.
[Soo Kwang taking apart the puzzle]
Jae Yeol: “What are you doing?”
Soo Kwang: “How ignorant people explain my state of mind. Or Hye Jin’s that deals with schizophrenia. A brain that is all tangled and like a disorganized garbage can. Can’t recognize parents or siblings. Can’t recognize a loved one. Even after hurting somebody, feeling no guilt. But we are not all like that. Most of us are normal. And only a small fraction of people are ill. Do you agree?”
Jae Yeol: “Yes.”
[Soo Kwang puts puzzle back together]
Soo Kwang: [Plays with last piece] “There we go. This is my case. Among 365 days, only few seconds or a few minutes are interrupted. But for Hye Jin’s schizophrenia, [grabs small handful of puzzle pieces] this much? Due to a problem in sending messages back to her brain or from emotional pains. [lets puzzle pieces fall] The world will rip apart like this constantly.”
Jae Yeol: “From reality to fantasy?”
Soo Kwang: “Yeah, something like that.”
Jae Yeol: “Can you fit these pieces back together perfectly?”
Soo Kwang: “If the patient is willing to, and is getting professional help.”
Jae Yeol: “Interesting…”
Soo Kwang: “I’m going to go.”
Jae Yeol: “Don’t ever come back.”
Soo Kwang: “I’ll probably come back.”
The central theme and heart of this episode definitely has to be the meaning of family. I knew everyone would step up to the plate when the time came but it was still so heartwarming to actually see how much everyone loves Hae Soo and Jae Yeol and how far they were willing to go to show that they are there for our couple when they need them most. I was especially moved by Soo Kwang’s actions and his attempt to watch over Jae Yeol and make it clear to him that he’ll be there for Jae Yeol no matter what happens. Seeing him put on a smile for Jae Yeol’s sake was so sweet.
Hae Soo: “But if you were sick and admitted to a hospital, what worries you the most?”
Jae Yeol: “Why are you saying stuff like that?”
Hae Soo: “Everyone gets sick at one point.”
Jae Yeol: “Not being able to write.”
Hae Soo: “Even if you don’t write, I’ll always like you.”
Jae Yeol: “When are you going to tell me that you love me? Anyway, Jang Jae Yeol that doesn’t write isn’t Jang Jae Yeol.”
Hae Soo: “What about Kang Woo?”
Jae Yeol: “He’s not calling me, and isn’t answering my calls either.”
Hae Soo: “You must be very worried.”
Jae Yeol: “I feel like he’s going to die. He failed in a novel competition and he’s also ill.”
Hae Soo: “You told me that his illness is okay.”
Jae Yeol: “He lied. He has Lou Gehrig’s disease. When he called me, he was in front of the hospital and the expression on his face was not good.”
Hae Soo: “Did you go to the hospital with him?”
Jae Yeol: “No, I didn’t. I was with you.”
Hae Soo: “Then how do you know that Kang Woo’s expression wasn’t good in front of the hospital? As if you were watching a movie, or reading a novel…”
Jae Yeol: “Really, how do I know the times when Kang Woo was alone?”
Of course, the revelation of Jae Yeol’s illness had a huge impact on Hae Soo who went through a brief period of denial. I’m glad she had Young Jin and Jo sunbae to make her deal with the truth. As expected, although Hae Soo had a difficult time processing the fact that Jae Yeol has schizophrenia, I knew she would stand by him since she loves him so much (even if she refuses to say it!). It’s also great to see her do a little bit of self-reflection to understand how she managed to ignore so many of Jae Yeol’s symptoms. The scene where she was shaving him was beautiful. It was such an intimate moment between the two of them yet also so heartbreaking. The look Hae Soo had after he kissed her, as she was trying to hold back her tears, was so poignant.
Young Jin: “It seems that Kang Woo is a reflection of Jae Yeol’s younger days…But the biggest problem other than seeing Kang Woo as a hallucination is that he himself doesn’t know that getting hurt while trying to protect Kang Woo is a form of subconscious self harm which stems from his guilt towards his brother.
Jae Yeol’s mind is unraveling quickly. He is aware of the fact that Kang Woo is sick with Lou Gehrig’s disease since he recalls seeing Kang Woo’s expression during their phone conversation. However, Jae Yeol doesn’t find it too disturbing that he continually sees Kang Woo even when they’re nowhere close to one another. Interestingly, throughout the show, Jae Yeol has had a curious interest in mental illnesses and diseases. We are told that the reason is that, due to Jae Yeol’s guilt, he has an unconscious desire to harm himself. He has always been interested in Lou Gehrig’s disease aka ALS, thus the NY Yankees baseball cap (Lou Gehrig was a baseball player for the Yankees), and that’s why he unconsciously decided to give Kang Woo that illness as well as starting to show the symptoms of the disease himself. He wants to be sick. I think he believes that by having ALS, it will be sufficient punishment for his “crime” against his brother. ALS would prevent him from writing, which is his everything, and as we heard earlier, if he can’t write, there’s no use in him living. This mentality is why Young Jin thought that Jae Yeol needed to be hospitalized immediately since “the climax of psychological self harm is, in the end, suicide”.
Also, I have to mention that weird scene in the episode where Jae Yeol takes pictures of Hae Soo’s hands and feet. I can’t be the only one who felt a bit uncomfortable during that scene, right? Like Jae Yeol seems to be building an, I’m reluctant to say, “obsession” towards Hae Soo, transferring his dependence on Kang Woo onto Hae Soo. Remember that Wall of Kang Woo that Jae Yeol had on his wall detailing all the things he needs to tell Kang Woo, well now he has a Wall of Hae Soo. The resemblance was a little too uncanny. This is why Jo sunbae is worried:
Jo sunbae: “If guilt is the issue, the longer he is happier next to you, his self abusive impulse will worsen.”
Jae Yeol, on whatever level, doesn’t think that he deserves to be happy so his happiness with Hae Soo which is increasing his guilt and that’s why he has been harming himself more often and why we see Kang Woo’s deteriorating condition. Kang Woo senses the distance between him and Jae Yeol and thinks that with Hae Soo in the picture, he’s no longer needed and that he has no one by his side, not even Jae Yeol, thus the impetus for self-harm, which by extension is really Jae Yeol’s unconscious pushing him towards a more extreme method of punishing himself. Also, how symbolic was it for Kang Woo to remove the last piece of the puzzle?
I seriously hope that Hyung will not follow his plan to seriously hurt Jae Yeol since it’s evident that he still loves his younger brother and that action would just lead to more pain for the both of them. In addition,Hyung’s forgiveness and understanding will do wonders for Jae Yeol’s condition.
I do have to say one thing that seriously annoyed me in this episode; where was the patient confidentiality?? Everyone was seriously going around telling EVERYBODY that Jae Yeol has schizophrenia but not the patient himself. *shakes head*
IOIL OST Part. 7